Sports
have taught me a lot of things throughout my life, and I believe that the most
important things that I’ve learned from sports aren’t physical, but mental.
Playing[KA1]
football instilled a never give up mentality in me. I learned how to work hard
in order to achieve a desired goal. I also learned leadership skills and how to
work with[KA2]
. With all that being said, I believe that the most important thing that I
learned from playing sports is how to lose.
Now
don’t get me wrong losing SUCKS, and there’s nothing worse than that quiet bus
ride back [KA3] to
school after a road loss. Sports are a good way to learn how to lose because
after a loss there’s no time to sit around and mope, you have to go out and
work even harder so you won’t have to experience that feeling again. I’ve heard
my whole life that you learn a lot more from failure than you ever will from
success and I believe that to be true. Unfortunately anybody who’s played sports has a
lot of experiences with losing and I’m no exception. [KA4]
The worst loss I’ve experienced was
an entire season. My junior year of high school, our football team had one of
the best seasons in a long time for the school. No one but us expected that we
were going to be a good team at the beginning of the season. We started off
slower than we would’ve liked, and after
the first five games we had already lost two heartbreakers. After that we
finally started to put it together and right in time for conference play. We
blew through the conference games with ease for a showdown with our rival Jack
Britt, who was undefeated and favored to win it all. After beating them in a
triple overtime game, we were on top of the world feeling that the state
championship was ours to take. The next Monday we were told not to get dressed
and to wait in the locker rooms, so everybody thought that we were about to get
our conference championship trophy. [KA5] When
the coaches arrived in the locker room, they didn’t look like men that had just
coached the conference champions, but instead like pallbearers. [KA6] With
tears in their eyes, they explained to us that the season was over and that we
had to forfeit all of our wins because our principal changed the grades of one
of our players. The[KA7]
worst part was after a couple of weeks Jack Britt made it to the championship game[KA8] .
It’s hard to think of losing in a
positive light while it’s happening but looking back losing our season wasn’t
all bad we became closer as a team and I realized that I can’t take things for
granted. I
also know now that without losing sometimes that I wouldn’t ever be able to
truly appreciate winning[KA9] [KA10] .
[KA1]You
can connect this paragraph with the earlier sentence if you want. They seem to
be playing on the same idea.
[KA3]Great
image to create for your reader—I think we all have had that experience. Good
job with communal relevance.
[KA4]If
you are worried about word count, then I think that you could do away to this
sentence. It’s not really adding much to your essay or giving new information.
[KA5]Good
job of leading the reader into thinking that it was going to be good news and
then letting the news shatter the story. It works as a mirror for the
experience itself.
[KA7]You
may need a little more description of the reaction here before you move on to
the next point.
[KA8]This
is such a great story to tell. As a reader, I really connected to what you were
saying. I think that you could build it up even more by adding narrative
detail—talk more about exactly what you felt that moment the coaches came into the
locker room. It’s such a great story—try to play it up as much as possible.
[KA9]I
think that you may want to come back to the sentiment you expressed in the
third paragraph as your conclusion. Try to play on the idea that “you learn a
lot more from failure than you ever will from success.” I think that by ending
it that way, it will make your reader feel as if the essay has come full
circle.
George,
I really enjoyed reading your essay and learning a
little more about you—I can’t believe the story that you told—it’s absolutely
heartbreaking! You have done a great job with this essay and I think that you
have a good connection between your main belief statement and your narrative. I
think that your essay could be even stronger if you played up the narrative a
little more by building up the story details. It is such a unique story that
pulls the reader in, try to use it as much as you can. Overall, I think that
you have a good essay and I look forward to seeing where you go in the next
draft.
KA
(Projected Grade:85)
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